Life is funny. Actually, scratch that. People are funny. And by funny, I mean annoying. I swear if I hear another person say “When will you have kids” I’m gonna punch this puppy in the face….
Seriously people, I’ve been married less than two months. Give me some room to breath. Can I enjoy the married life without feeling obligated to pop out a few baby ninjas? No, I can’t? Fine, I’ll play your silly game and answer your questions.
When do you plan to have kids?
Wife Ninja and I had this discussion during premarital counseling and arbitrarily decided two years sounded like a decent waiting period before we reevaluate our situation. This should give us time to enjoy all the benefits that come with being a DINK (dual income no kids) like having totally flexible schedules.
Seeing that we are new to this whole marriage gig, our primary concern is learning how to love one another better. We have friends that got pregnant three months in to marriage, and others that waited four years. They are both convinced they did what was best for their relationship, and right now Wife Ninja and I have decided two years is what sounds best to us.
How many baby ninjas are we talking here?
That, my friends, depends on who you ask. If you’re asking me the answer is 0.5. No, that’s not a typo. I want half a kid. You know, I’d take him when he was being all cute and cuddly like this baby…
but I could also give him to someone else when he was crying or pooping himself. Wait, what? That’s not how parenting works? Okay fine, give me the whole kid I guess.
Honestly though, I’d be perfectly content with two kids. Wife Ninja, however, has her eyes set on four. Her mom is one of four, she is one of four, so why not keep the trend going. Four babies it is.
Do you think you’ll be ready?
My girl Janell said it best “you will never be ‘financially ready’ for any life-changing event.” Amen, to that. I could always save a little more, or work a little harder, but at some point I’ll realize the sacrifice is worth it. The cost of raising a kid may be incredibly expensive, but I’m convinced there is a reason I have an innate desire to be a dad. And that reason my friends is this: I can make my kids take out the trash 🙂
What are your plans until kids enter the picture?
Carpe Diem baby. Seize the day. The wife and I plan to take full advantage of two incomes and no child related expenses. We have a crazy goal to save a $100,000 for a house. We want to take at least one big vacation each year. We want to continue being involved in our community (volunterring, tutoring, bible studies, being with friends). But most importantly we just want to enjoy being newlyweds.
From now on, when anyone asks me “When are you gonna have kids”, I’m going to punch them in the elbow and then refer them to this post.
Parents: How did you know it was time to have a kid? How did you decide how many kids to have? Would you do anything differently (i.e. waited longer or had them earlier)? Are they worth it?
Non-parents: How long do you think you’ll wait to have kids? How many kids do you want and what lead to that decision? Do any other young married peeps get bombarded by people expecting babies one month after your wedding?
Oh, good grief. We got that question ALL THE TIME right after we got married. Some days, I wanted to ask an equally personal question like, “When are you gonna lose that extra weight?” or call them out by saying, “Surely you don’t mean to ask such a personal question.” NONE’YA BIDNESS.
Unfortunately, since we are not able to have children, the questions for us went on for *years*. Then the advice came — What about infertility treatments? Why don’t you just adopt? (Because adopting is SOOO easy, apparently. And cheap.) Now that we’ve been married over 10 years, people don’t ask so much anymore, but it does occasionally come up and it’s so irritating.
I don’t know why people think that others’ reproductive systems are their business, but it is most certainly a wide-spread problem. (And from what I hear from friends who moved from Indiana to Silicon Valley a couple of years after they got married, it’s much worse in the Midwest than in SoCal.)
I look forward to hearing some of your snappy comebacks. We were rarely brave enough to actually say what we were thinking.
Ooooh, it seems like there seems to be a list of compulsory questions that nosy ppl need to ask:
If ure single,not dating: when are you gonna hv a bf/gf?
If ure in a relationship: when are you getting engaged/get married?
If you’re married: when are you having kids?
If you’re married with one kid: when are you gonna have another one (if it’s a boy,they’ll ask you to try for a girl. Vice versa)
If your kids are done with school: when are your kids getting married?
If your kids are married: when are you going to have grandchildren
If you have grandchildren: when are your kids gonna have more?
Anddddd so on. I had once asked a busybody,nosy person, “aren’t u gonna ask me when I’m gonna die too?” Since they keep asking about stuff that I’d rather leave to the hands of God. Needless to say, they stop asking!
Personally. I’m undecided on kids. Both my boyfriend and I haven’t decided on how many, or even if we’re gonna have any. I’m the 2nd of 7, and he’s the 2nd of 4, so if we do have kids someday, maybe we’ll decide with a couple or four. Who knows 🙂
Yep, I’m almost 45, have 3 kids (youngest is 5) and people STILL ask me “Are you planning to have any more kids?”. Sheesh, should I tell them when I reach menopause so they can STOP ASKING?!!! LOL!
These questions never stop. Even after having a child, people will ask when are you having another. It’s endless. 🙁 They are certainly worth it. It’s a ton of hard work and they will drive you crazy at times, but there is nothing like having a child. Seeing them grow into their own person, doing well in school, etc there are so many things.
I like your 2 year plan. Enjoy the DINK status for bit. For us there was a bit of sticker shock that came alone with the kids, diapers, formula, whips, etc There is a lot of cash to be dropped when having a first child. Things jsut simply change when the baby come, but you roll with it.
I’m going to assume you meant wipes, not whips…unless you have a very dark sense of humour that you were hoping someone would pick up on 😉
lol, you are correct!
Hey Ninja-you might want to consider that some non-parents are that way by choice. You’re questions above presume that everyone will have kids (or want to) eventually. When I get asked this question (which can be all the damned time lately as everyone I know is having kids now) sometimes I just say “never”, just to see people’s faces. However, then comes the onslaught of comments about that choice, so it’s not worth it to be honest.
Congrats on being a newlywed. No matter what stage you’re at, people will ask you inappropriate personal questions. As soon as my brother had his first, people asked if they were planning on more kids. Oy!
Jordan and I figure it will be about two years…but for us it means getting married in about a year (August, 2011) and then me getting pregnant sometime shortly after (9 months)…= about two years.
I want to start having kids before we’re 30, he’s comfortable waiting until 30….so we’ll see. He’s a year older, so we’ll probably both get our way.
We went through the exact same process. Luckily we were on the same page going into our marriage on when we wanted to start our family, which was to pull the goalie after about a year. In fact, for the months leading up to that, we took some trips and did some stuff that we knew wouldn’t be possible after having kids, so definitely enjoy the time as a couple before you make that plunge.
I know others who have started trying on their honeymoon, so it’s definitely a personal choice. I think the key is making sure you both agree.
Wow, 4 kids in California. Love to see some numbers on that. That sounds pretty challenging on your income.
My thought exactly!
My husband and I were together for 7.5 years before kid #1 came into the picture, so we got asked that question a lot. We were even told we were making a mistake by not having them sooner.
To be fair, you do talk about wanting to have kids and wife ninja being a SAHM on your blog, so I can imagine many think it’s the next natural step.
I like you’re 1/2 kid comment. People tell me that’s why being a grandparent is so fun. You get to spoil them and have fun with them, and when they get cranky, you can just hand them back to the parents.
More often than not its family that’s asking (and they forget they asked the last time they saw me). We were married a little over two years ago but since we are both still pretty young (24 and 23) I just say “not for a few more years”. It feels like there is a unwritten rule that says have kids after being married for two years, which is why people have really started asking us. Since I’m the breadwinner, and studies have shown that after a woman has kids her potential income growth slows, I’m all for holding off until I’m 27 or 28.
I may be bucking some cosmic trend here and being un-American, but my husband and I have decided against kids. Period. Not only do we enjoy the lack of financial constraints associated with parenthood, but we enjoy the lack of stress and the ability to focus all of our energy and affection on one another. We contribute to college funds for nieces and nephews and we go nuts every year with donations to programs like Angel Tree and Toys for Tots, so it’s not as if we’re kid-haters. We just prefer kids that live with someone else.
The number one response we get from people (aside from a look of horror/disgust) is, “but who will take care of you when you’re old?” Honestly I wouldn’t want to subject my fictional son or daughter to being responsible for my welfare. We’re saving more than enough to ensure that we can self-sufficiently afford in-home healthcare or a retirement community in our elder years rather than being forced to rely on others. Problem solved.
We’re with you on that, Meghan! Hubby and I are DINKs, and that’s the way it’s staying… zero desire to have kids… call us selfish, we don’t care. We get the same question “Who’ll look after you when you’re old?” We say the same thing you do, and add, “What guarantee do you have that your kids will want to look after you?”
Interesting post. I’m getting married in June, will be 30 next year, and have been dating my fiancee for 3.5 years. We just bought a house…so naturally everyone thinks kids are SOON. They are WRONG! Being a DINK is awesome. Sometimes it’s so awesome I don’t want kids at all. In fact, I’ve started asking people with kids (close friends and family) if they are really worth it. Some actually say no…they love their kids but wouldn’t have any if they could do it again. Some say “it has it’s moments.” And other’s love it and wouldn’t trade it for anything…
I think we’ll cave by the time we’re 35. But for now, DINKhood is too awesome to put an expiration date on it.
i’m 26 and he’s 30. we’re getting married in 4 months. we get asked ALL THE TIME if we are going to try for a honeymoon baby because of our age..um, WTF?
we have a date in mind when we will stop not trying. but we don’t share that date (well, i told my bff..ha!) with anyone. that’s what i tell people and that seems to shut them up.
My husband and I have been together for over 9 years and married for over 4 of them. We regularly get asked when we’re going to have kids. Fortunately, being a gay couple, I can give a sarcastic answer along the lines of “Well, we keep on trying to have kids, but somehow it’s just not happening… Maybe we’re doing something wrong?” 😉
I’m 31 and he’s 36, and we’re both of the opinion that we’re still at least a few years out from having kids. I very much agree with your “DINK first” attitude, as being married both changes nothing and changes everything. Get used to that first, enjoy it while you can, because being newlyweds is actually even rarer than having kids as you will (hopefully) only do it once.
For what it’s worth, most of my friends who are having children/had children were married for 4+ years before having children.
We’ve been married only two weeks and are getting those questions too! Mostly from my mother, who has grandbaby fever. Our plan is also to start in about two years, although we’ll probably top out at 2. My mom hasn’t been too over the top about it yet, but if she gets to that point, I plan to look at her, open my eyes really wide, and say “But do you know what you have to DO have to have a baby?!?!” Maybe that will help.
A few years ago when my sister got married, she put off the baby talk by asking my mom, “Do you really think you’re old enough to be a grandma?”
My mother-in-law totally, used to bug my husband before we got married, never me. To be fair to her my mother-in-law has fibromyalgia and has some concerns about being able to enjoy her grandchildren once they arrive. But as my husband has point out to both her and me (so I don’t feel guilty about waiting) she has been on treatment for years and responded very well. And she understand how important it is that we get our ducks in a row before having kids. Tho I have a feeling we might start hearing family rumblings after my husband graduates this december
We will be married in August and already people are asking when we are going to pop out a unit. I totally agree with undercoverkitty about the questions never ending. I usually respond in an unexpected yet funny way to let people know to back of. Such as to my great-aunt who constantly would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would respond with interesting career choices such as proctologist or junk yard owner. To the baby question I always respond “I don’t wanna have kids, I’ve been to a Wal-Mart on saturday!”.
Oh man, this post gave me a good laugh. I’m 30 and seriously dating, but not getting married any time real soon mostly because of a 6000 mile distance. Talk about a budget buster! I’ve flown to Europe 3 times already this year and paid cash every time. Booya! (He’s flown over here about 3 or 4 times too!) And I’m a grad student! Hellz yeah! We both have lofty career goals that will prevent us from being in the same city for another 3-4 years. Being in the Midwest sucks for this kind of gig! The comments fly all the time! I get comments about my ovary clock ticking away, people (close friends even) suggest I just give up some of my career goals and move wherever he is, or suggest we have a long distance marriage (uh…what the what?), etc. It’s amazing how people can make you feel like a loser with their comments and opinions! Sometimes I want to kick them in the shins!
My general response:
We’ve both come too far to give up our goals now. My mom and my sister both had babies in their late 30s, so I’m hoping I got those genetics. There are so many children in the world who don’t have parents. I’ve always planned on adopting and luckily he’s cool with that too!
My favorite comment is: Wow…being an older parent is going to be tough.
Snotty Response: We’re good at everything else we do, why wouldn’t we be frickin awesome older parents?
Lesson to all the people out there! Be supportive! Don’t push opinions! Mind your own business!
I actually had a friend of my husband who was a smart ass and asked us at our reception! We have been married for 6 years and aside from one relatively annoying neighbor whose mission in life is to get everyone pregnant, we haven’t really been bothered too much about it. My parents have enough on the grandkid front going on with my other two siblings that they leave us alone and I think his parents are more terrified of the idea of having grandkids already because they still have a kid in college, so they don’t ask either.
I am having a hard time right now with the fact that we are not trying for kids. I always had it in my mind that I wanted to start having kids at 28 because that is when my mom started. I turned 28 a month ago and we are so completely unprepared for kids that the idea of getting pregnant right now still scares the crap out of me, but my heart is still upset that we aren’t trying. We are waiting until we feel more financially secure. I know the saying is that you are never totally ready. But there is a difference between kids being a financial shock and being financial suicide. Currently, it would be suicide on the level of bankruptcy. So I make the decision to wait in order to provide a better life for my kids than what I could provide now.
Both my husband and I come from 3 kid families, so we want 3 kids. Though the more we push having kids back, the more I wonder about that 3rd one.
Heidi, at 28 you have lots of time to have 3 kids. I have 3 kids – 1st at 33, 2nd at 35 and my third at 39. It’s exhausting having young children in your 40’s, especially when my friends all have teens and almost 20’s, but it keeps me YOUNG!!! I believe I’m a better parent now than I would have been 15-20 years ago. My best advice is not to have any kids until you are ready! It’s an overwhelming responsibility (both financially AND emotionally) – one that still astounds me daily after a decade of parenting – I wouldn’t have been ready before 30, heck, some days I’m STILL not ready, but these little ones scream “MOMMY” and there ain’t no one else in this house that answers to that name, so they MUST be calling ME!!!
I’ve been engaged for nearly 3 years now. We spent a year plus saving up for a small wedding and the entire time we had to listen to “When’s the date? Why do you need to save money first?” Now after my job loss a year ago and having to use all that money to live the questions finally stopped coming. We were together for 5 years before we got engaged and pretty much that whole time we had to fend marriage questions. I wish people just didn’t care.
Now my mom is skipping the when are you getting married and going straight to where’s my grandkids??
You married young enough that 2 years is totally reasonable.
People are just making what they think is polite small talk – imagine, your plans for creating life is small talk! We get the question a lot too (married in April), and I give vague answers, because we aren’t sure yet.
But it will probably end up being about 2 years.
hmmm…..kids come when kids come. For brother #1, it was after 11 years of marriage. For sister #1, there are no kids. For sister #2, there are 9 (she called my parents last month saying it was the first time in 21 years she was home alone! — kid #9 started a preschool program). For brother #2, there are 3 kids. For me, after 4 years of marriage.
The thing about waiting is that kids are a lot of energy. (Really, they are a *lot* of energy….just ask my sis #2!). We had kiddo when I was 27…now that I’m 40 I don’t know if I could do all the things I did back then….
I like your plan of waiting a bit. We didn’t and had not 1 but 2 babies…talk about unexpected.
Even still, we get asked when we’ll have another. By the same people who admit if they had twins they would have had it “easy” and been “done”. So they why do they ask us to have more? Who knows!
It was time to start having kids because I wanted at least a couple of them and I was 33 years old, so time was … well, ticking away! BTW, we had been married for 11 months when we got pregnant with our first.
As for when we stopped making babies – it was when MY heart told me I was done. Hubby was done after the 2nd baby, but I wasn’t. We went on to have a third baby, then stopped. I was 39 at that point. Nature would have been stopping me soon anyways. 🙂
Even after you have a kid, people will start asking you when you’re going to have the next one.
I knew I was ready when the biological clock went off and I desperately wanted a baby. I don’t actually like kids much when they don’t have my genes, so I think hormones are mother nature’s way of forcing people like me to reproduce. I am not ready for #2 yet.
We had been married… almost 7 years before we had a kid. 5 years before we started trying.
My husband and I were bugged a little before we were married to hurry up and get married so we could have kids, but now it rarely happens. Everyone in my family knows my husband is a Masters Student and we are about to have massive loans to pay off, so I don’t think I’ve gotten one comment about kids from family. I have gotten people asking if we already have kids after I tell them I’m married (and btw most people who meet me seem to think I’m like 19 not 24). I had wanted to make sure we paid off all debt before having kids but I’m not sure I can wait that long. We decided to reevaluate every year after graduation so we are looking at waiting at lest 3 years.
My folks waited 5 years, but my mother has told me while she loved the extra time with my dad, its different for everybody and the older you are the less energy you have to play with the little ones. My in laws had there first child by the time there were our age, but I believe the still waited a year or two, just got married a little younger.
I would caution that, from our experience, the choice isn’t always yours.
We had settled on waiting at least two years before having kids, and since I’m a diplomat, having one posting before trying. It made logical sense for all the reasons that your reasons make sense- take the time to enjoy being DINKs, enjoy being with each other and married, community involvement, establish careers, etc.
Then I found out that I have rheumatoid arthritis, and, more painfully (pun intended), that none of the drugs they currently have for RA are even CLOSE to being pregnancy-approved [most are actually considered category X]
This has the effect of totally messing around with our predetermined “schedule”:
1) Stay off the drugs (risking further joint damage) and try to have babies ASAP.
2) Go on drugs, put off kids for a chunk of years, wean self off drugs, then attempt to get pregnant, stick it out through pregnancy and breastfeeding (again,r isking furhter joint damage), and then go back on drugs.
3) Give up on trying to conceive naturally and try to adopt.
All this to say- prepare for and come to peace with the fact that, as awesome as your schedule is, it might not happen the way you wish it would. We never EVER expected that RA (or any other disease with the same effect on pregnancy planning) would be in the cards- we’re both young and healthy, or so we thought. It just wasn’t on our radar. Until it was.
IT NEVER ENDS! If it’s not babies, it’s, “When are you going to buy a house?” LEAVE US ALONE, PEOPLE! lol
We don’t plan to have children for a few reasons, but the main reason is that we just don’t have the desire to do it. So we’ll be DINKS forever, I hope! 🙂
I’m going to go the medical route in my response, since most everyone has echoed my initial response of ‘have babies when YOU’RE ready!’
The older you get, the harder it is to get pregnant. We’re in our early 30s and married 1 1/2 years, bought a home with 20% down and then decided it was time to have a baby. However, my body wasn’t cooperating — discovered an underlying medical problem — and we did require some assistance to conceive.
So wait as long as you desire, but perhaps get your reproductive systems checked out to make sure everything’s in tip-top shape! Because when a reproductive issue crops up, it can take much longer — even years — to get pregnant once you’re ready. Also, the possibility of birth defects increases with parental age, so keep that in mind. But you and Mrs. Ninja are young enough that it shouldn’t be a concern for you two at this point.
Just before hubby and I got married 8 years ago, my Mom went to a BBQ at a friend’s house, and the subject of my wedding came up. Her friend said, “Given that Mo’s 35, they’ll probably start working on starting a family right away”. Mom replied, “I don’t think they’re going to have kids”, to which her friend said, “Well, why are they getting married”? THE NERVE!!
Mom said she didn’t know how to answer the question… I told her to say it’s none of her friend’s *#@% business… nosey beeotch!!
We like the freedom we have, both with our time and financially. I respect people’s decision if they want to have kids, but in turn, they should respect ours for not having them.
2 Very Happy Childless (and that’s the way it’s staying) DINKS!
The decision to have children is such a huge, all-emcompassing one that will affect your lives for the next 20+ years. If a couple does not WANT children, no one should ever make them feel badly for that. By all means, I totally respect anyone who chooses not to have children. In fact, my closest friend is a 50-something, married childless woman. I respect her choice to have no children – she respects my choice to have 3 children.
I cannot tell you anything that hasn’t already been said, so I’ll just tell you our experience.
We had been married 4 years when we got pregnant with our first. My husband had always wanted to be a dad, but we actually started being intentional about trying after I thought I had a miscarriage and was so upset that I realized that I really wanted a child as well.
We were convinced that we were done until someone talked me into providing a sibling (and all the great things that come with having/being a sibling) for our son. My husband was agreeable. We then had our daughter almost 4 years after our son. I turned 30 6 weeks after our daughter was born.
We’re done. Snip, snip. Taken care of.
One comment that I will add:
Kids are expensive; there is no doubt about it. But they don’t HAVE to be as expensive as many people make them. You don’t have to buy designer clothes, mounds of toys, gadgets and gizmos for parenthood, or even formula (if your wife chooses to and is able to nurse). They cost money, but they aren’t the cash-suck that many people make them into. And the ones that are often are that way because that’s what the parents decide for them. I have done multiple posts on baby gear that isn’t necessary and such.
But you are correct in that your schedules will never again be the same. Your priorities must change. But to us, it is definitely worth it (even on the days that I miss the freedom).
This puts me in mind of a Heinlein quote:
“The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: Of course it is none of my business but – is to place a period after the word but. Don’t use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.”
My wife and I were together for 6 years (and married for 2 of them) before we decided to have our first. She was almost 30 and didn’t want to put off having kids any longer, as she still wanted to be young enough to enjoy them. I wasn’t really “ready”, in the sense “yeah, yeah, someday, later… NOW?!”, but realized I didn’t really have any good reason to delay, as otherwise I’d never be ready.
We had 2 children and were trying to decide whether or not to have a 3rd when the decision was made for us — OOPS! At the point the news was delivered via the little blue line we realized that 3 was enough, and I had my operation scheduled the next week.
My 3 are now 13, 15 and 17. I don’t regret any of the decisions we made – my wife and I enjoyed our time together before they arrived, which gave us time to build our relationship. This carried us through the very stressful times of the newborn years; if didn’t have time to nuture our relationship, life would have been much more difficult. Sure, I would have liked to have more time being a carefree adult before becoming a father, but everyone has to grow up sometime. 🙂
Oh yeah – you’re NEVER financially ready to be a parent. Expenses grow to gobble up all income. Baby clothes. Car seats. Daycare. Tumbling/Piano/Activities. School clothes (x3). Sport/team fees. Emergency room visits. Braces. Cars. Car insurance. Car insurance after teen accident (!!!). Travel. College.
From a purely financial viewpoint, you’d be insane to have kids. Fortunately, my wife and I are both insane and very happy about it. 🙂
Yep. We were asked that at our wedding reception too, and the person wasn’t joking.
As far as how many to have, the best is to decide after you have them. If you have one, and it’s way too much, stop there. You’ll know 🙂
I love all the comments! It is great to read everyone’s stories.
Us-we waited almost 2 years (I wanted to finish my Masters degree) and then it took longer than expected, so the twins were born a couple months after our 3rd anniversary (we were both 28). I am now weeks away from delivering number 3 (!) and people are still asking us if/when we will have more.
Ideally we would love 4 children, possible 5 (ironically having twins first made us add one more to our ‘wish list’). I’m from 2, he’s from 3 and we would both like a bigger family.
Would we have done anything differently-Yes, saved my paycheck as you have mentioned before about doing with Wife Ninja’s salary. I actually found an old financial planner from when we were first married and ‘save Trina’s paycheck’ was on the list. I honestly wonder why we didn’t follow that through. Although, when I think about the money I made as a teacher and the trips we took those first years, the down payment on our house/extra mortgage payments and paying for my degree in full…it sort of evens out. Like we put it aside and used it for those big purchases (or maybe I am just justifying here).
Along with enjoying this time as DINKs, we thought of a couple things we wanted to do before kids as well. My husband had a motorcycle for a while and we went skydiving in Australia…both are things that no longer interest us now that we have wee ones running around. But I am thrilled to have done it pre-kids!
Are they worth it? YES! A million times yes! And, as to financially speaking, sure diapers are crazy expensive…but after all the big gear is initially bought (carseat, stroller, crib) the day to day costs are not too high (at least in our experience). I think it is what you make it.
My husband and I have been married for almost nine years, and we have been asked the “when are you going to have babies” question since the day after we were married. The DAY after. We want kids, absolutely, but I decided to go back to school and get my Masters degree, and he finished his time in the military before we even explored that option. I would say we plan on having two kids, and will likely begin within the next two years, but wow…we still get that question all the time. Some of my good friends who have had kids get the “so, when is the next little one coming along” question right after they’ve had their first. Honestly, I don’t think it ever ends!
When people ask when you’re having kids, just say “Well, we keep practicing … but I guess we should try harder.” : D Seriously, why would someone feel the need to ask this question? It’s very personal, and reasons are all over the place. For BF and I, we aren’t in the right place to have a kid yet, and we very well may never be. And that’s okay with both of us.
I have the problem that what I thought would be financially ready is not financially ready. Things like private school fee’s are way out of reach which is why i’m going back to grad school. Time to be a man and make with the moolah
People are nosey. It is just in their nature. I am a parent of 2, and once you are pregnant with your first the question starts coming on when are you going to have your next one. Can I just get this one out before I put another one in there please?
How did you know it was time to have a kid? We knew it was time to have a kid when I started puking all the time and realized I had missed my period by 2 weeks. Our first baby was not planned.
How did you decide how many kids to have? We decided an only child would get bored. But I didn’t want my kids to be very far apart because I didn’t want the older child to be denied certain things because the baby couldn’t keep up. So, I set a time frame to get pregnant with #2, and it happened.
Would you do anything differently (i.e. waited longer or had them earlier)? We probably would have been a lot more careful the first time around! 🙂
Are they worth it? I think in the grand scheme of things, kids are worth it. They give unconditional love (well, most of the time). But it is definitely a LOT of hard work. And once you think you’ve mastered one stage, everything changes and you’re trying to figure out something new.
We were married 2.5 years before we had our first baby. We had time to enjoy each other- and seriously try to enjoy each other because we’ve found it is extremely hard to enjoy each other over a screaming kid! Good luck to you guys!!
Oh, and when people ask me when we are having our next I tell them I’m fixed and walk away. 🙂 haha
Fortunately DH and I aren’t faced with that question – we met when I was in my late 40’s, he was in his 50’s! No one expected us to have kids. However, if I had been able to, I think we would have! Sadly my body cannot reproduce, and adoption agencies discriminate against the ‘older’ adoptive parents.
My sister and her husband were married for over 20 years before they had their 2 kids…yes, 20! They were in their 40s when they chose to reproduce. They wanted to finish school (masters and PhDs), travel (the world), buy their house etc. Were there concerns re: possible abnormalities? Yes. But the risks were small – people take greater risks every day! And before someone comments on the energy issue – they both are more involved with their kids skiing, skating, surfing, hiking, etc then the parents 20 years yonger! They are the refs at sporting events, not sitting on the sidelines. They are the girl guide and scout leaders etc. Everyone comments that they cannot possibly be in their 50’s – they are soooo young.
I guess it is part tradition, part genetics. My mother had her children in her late 30’s – and this was over 50 years ago…very much against the norm. I didn’t grow up with an ‘old’ mother or dad; on the contrary, my friends always were envious that my parents were taking us camping, hiking, travelling etc while their parents were ‘observers’. The same is true for my brother – he and his wife had their kids when my brother was late 40s, and my brother too is involved in all the kids sports!
The time is right when it is right for you.
The day we announced our engagement, I had people asking me when we were going to have babies!! Our plan is to get married next year and start trying right away. We already live together though and will have for 2.5 years at that point, so we’ve had our DINK fun. Plus we’re not getting any younger!
Saddle up my friend. They never cease. Even after you have your first one, the question will be, “So when are you gonna have another one?” It gets old, but at least people are interested in your life… or they are just asking a question as a filler and feel like they are supposed to.
We waited 18 months before ours popped out. Its been fine. My wife, the Janell referenced in Ninja’s post, was good and ready at the 6 month mark of marriage. I said something along the lines of, “Oh hell no! We are not ready for that.” Until one day lovely day in March when I woke-up and for no particular reason said, “Let’s do this baby!!!”
But our daughter is the most beautiful thing EVER! Wouldn’t trade her for anything.
I need a frosty.
You’re hilarious…I love the “punch them in the elbow” line…This post was really interesting and amusing, thanks for giving us some insight into your personal take on marriage, babies, and your plans. I think your goals are all pretty cool too…a little bit of responsibility (saving for a house), a little bit of simplicity (enjoying marriage), and some fun too (1 vacation a year)…good luck and don’t feel ANY pressure…there is no hurry!
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