Girls are the cleverest creatures around

I’m at the point in my life where I’m starting to learn a lot of things about women. Many of my friends are newlyweds, and quite a few are new or expecting parents. If there is one thing I’ve learned about women it’s this… they are manipulative clever.

It’s possible I was completely naive to the ways of the world, but I honestly had no clue women were so sly. They can take just about any life experience and scheme a way to get gifts out of it.

Take for example a wedding. Pretty big deal right? After all, it is the day most women have dreamed about since their child hood. I’m totally in support of letting the bride have the wedding of her dreams. But it wasn’t until recently that I learned women have found a way to milk their pending marriage for all it’s worth. One bridal shower isn’t enough, they often have two (personal and registry), and sometimes three or more, showers. Seems like a pretty clever way to get gifts if you ask me. Oh and don’t forget the groom is typically expected to provide another gift (typically jewelery) on the day of the wedding. Huh, isn’t that convenient?

You’d think a few bridal showers, the wedding, a gift from future hubby, and a honeymoon would be enough to hold the bride-to-be over right? Not quite. Do you know what a trousseau is? Yeah, I didn’t either. It’s the possessions, such as clothing and linens, that a bride assembles for her marriage, but more specifically the honeymoon. That’s right boys. This trousseau thingy is really an excuse for the girl to go buy ANOTHER bathing suit, ANOTHER dress, ANOTHER purse, ANOTHER blah blah blah, that she doesn’t really need (and will probably never use again).

Now that we’ve knocked weddings out of the way, let’s move on to babies. Have you ever heard of a newborn referred to as “the perfect gift”? I have. Sadly, women don’t really mean it. When they say “I’m so glad I’m pregnant”, what they really mean is “I’m so glad I’m pregnant…. cause now I can buy new clothes and have more showers.”

That’s right, women get pregnant just so they can go shopping!!! Even before future mom starts to show, she stops by the store to pick up a few new pairs of Hudson jeans, because “She felt fat in her other jeans”. Umm excuse me, you’ve been pregnant for 4 weeks, I think you’ve actually lost weight from all the vomiting you’ve been doing in the morning (lol for morning sickness). You don’t need no stinkin’ jeans.

Just like the wedding, the mom-to-be will usually have at least one baby shower thrown for her, so she can get all sorts of crappy clothes she wont actually want to put her child in. Like this outfit….

But here comes the real kicker. Did you know there is such a thing as a babymoon? The babymoon is when the woman demands asks her husband to take her on a vacation so they can have “one last romantic getaway” before kids enter the picture. Excuse me woman, I paid a lot of money for this here house and bedroom set, and now you are telling me we have to travel to Hawaii just so we can be “romantic”… I’m on to your clever tricks! But okay, Hawaii it is. You win this round.

I don’t know how you do it ladies, but I have to give credit where credit is due… you are one sly creature. Do guys have any equivalent parties/showers? I’ve heard of a tool shower (grooms version of bridal shower) and of diaper showers (husbands version of baby shower), but I’m pretty sure those are pretty rare occurrences. What other aspects of a woman’s cleverness (is that the right word?) am I leaving out? I wouldn’t be surprised if there are a million more reasons they “deserve” gifts and parties.

p.s. I want it to be clear these are not things Girl Ninja has had, requested, or even mentioned. The following are just a few things I’ve noticed in various relationships.

p.p.s. I also want to note this article is written tongue in cheek. I know I’ve exaggerated the expectations of many future brides/moms. Don’t get mad, get even 🙂