Share your secret

1. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doomed to follow in my fathers financial footsteps.

2. Even if we are able to pay for our first home in cash (from our savings) I'm afraid to buy a house, because I'm afraid of all of the costs associated with being a home-owner (new roof, a/c, plumbing problems…etc.).

3. I couldn't pay my student loans anymore so I moved to another country where they couldn't dock my wages….I have the intention to pay them back eventually, but I'm more concerned with getting myself set up financially first and they just have to be patient. My loans aren't as big as others and they have bigger fish to fry than me.

4. Im contemplating losing one of my part time jobs so I can be eligible for welfare

5. I take toilet paper from work….and paper towels

6. I'd rather put our money towards retirement than our kids' college fund. There are no scholarships or low-interest loans for retirment.

   • Not at all selfish…advised by many advisors…even "family oriented" ones. =)

7. i think of myself as superior to those who handle their money poorly.

8. I want to go back to school, but I can't because I owe the university $2600 from when I dropped out three years ago.

9. I keep an average of $1,000 on my credit cards at all times to keep me honest. I fear without any debt I would spend wastefully or impulsively.

10. Everyone thinks I have it financially together, but I'm under-water with my mortgage.

11. I have a budget, I watch every dollar I spend, send money to my credit cards and try to stick to the little cash I have left. Then I get low (something always comes up) and start charging necessities. Feel like a hamster in a lil wheel, spinning but going nowhere.

    • Me too and I hate it.

12. I think i am more likely to be financialy minded if i am living in a stressful situation where i have massive amounts of debt.

    Related to that, i tell myself i thrive under preasure and that is why i suffer when things are calm. But i usually just crumble under preasure.

13. I think people who complain about money are too lazy and stupid to make more.

14. Sometimes I deprive myself of necessities in the name of being frugal. It's a pattern I picked up from my father and reinforced when I focus on my weaknesses.

    I monitor cash flow for sense of power and control. But now I'm applying my awareness of my spending and earning to budgetting, which is kind of empowering.

15. i'm in debt but that doesn't stop me from buying a new pair of shoes each month. and honestly.. i don't care.

16. I feel like parents should support their children and not the other way around. Right now, my boyfriend spends nearly $700 a month supporting his mother who doesn't have a real job. She's a sweet woman, but I resent her a bit because she doesn't make an effort to help herself. If he didn't have to spend that money on her, we could live together.

17. It makes my husband angry that I make $50,000 more than he does. It makes me angry that all he does is whine about being broke and takes no action to get out of debt.

    • There's no "our" in "marriage." Stay classy!

18. I have no intention of leaving my step-kids a dime in my will.

19. I’m filing bankruptcy due to a long chain of events starting with the fact that my husband forgot pay our car insurance.

20. I'm still upset that my mom told me she was giving me money for my honeymoon (even reiterating it and the amount the night before the wedding), then never did. I secretly think that she lied to my dad and he thinks that they *did* give us the money they promised. I'm too chickened to ask flat out.

21. Since my parents have given me reason to believe I will some day come into a substantial inheritance, I may have not saved and invested as aggressively as I might have otherwise. On the other hand, I still save and invest pretty aggressively.

    I have never told my parents that one day when I was down and out I consented to appear in a gay porno.

    One of the above paragraphs may or may not be true.

    • I hope you got the money upfront before appearing in the porno bro.

      • They paid good money! hey, I coulda had a real career.

22. I resent my husband for the amount of student loans he has, since he was too lazy to get a job during college, where he stayed for 6 years.

    • I suspect my husband submitted this secret. And I think he just typed 'husband" where he meant "wife" so I would be thrown off.
      If not, that is my secret: I feel bad for my husband (who makes 4X as much money as I do) for having to deal with me and my student loan debt etc

23. In university I used to steal food from my parents because I couldn't afford to buy it and I would never ask them for help.

    I think my parents are tightwads who like to watch their children struggle because they think it's good for us.

    Sometimes, I wonder who will die next so I can get their inheritance (I feel awful for even typing that).

24. Not being able to find a good job and make even $30,000 a year makes me feel like a worthless human being. I am frugal, budget, DIY, shop at thrift stores, etc.etc.etc. and sometimes, it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to how I feel. I chose a profession that feels like a calling, but ensures I will most likely always be living on the edge, financially.

25. My husband and I live in different cities, because we are unable to find jobs together in the same city. And we both need to work to pay off my massive student loan (for Grad school)

26. Everyone thinks I have it together financially because I was the first one to buy a home of my friends – no one knows I spent the last two years struggling to pay off $15k in credit card debt on a small income. I am half-way to being debt free of my cc debt but still fear the grad school loans I have to take out just to find a decent job.

27. I resent my mom because she abused my child support money and doesn't pay for any of my expenses now, leaving it all up to my dad.

    I feel guilty that my dad has to work a job he hates, but then I remember that he chose his career and could have went back to school earlier. Then I feel like a prick.

28. I'm jealous of those who don't deserve it. Those in the banking industry getting big bonuses because they still have a job because the government bailed them out. Government employees grossly overpaid, such as the firefighters in Las Vegas, 80k a year and after 20 years a retirement that pays them 80k still. Teachers getting paid 50k a year but they only work 8 months. I want to charge up my credit cards and get a heloc which should get me around 150k, get a 50k car loan, travel the world and then declare bankruptcy!

    • Firefighters are tremendously overpaid in some parts of the country. Especially the management and administration positions. They will make more than their county / state counterparts.

    • Even though I'm not one, many in my family are and I can tell you that Teachers work much more than 8 months a year…at least the public school ones. They usually work about 10-11 months and most put in much more than 40 hours a week that they aren't compensated for.

29. Sometimes I cannot sleep at night because I am so anxious about the amount of debt that we have

    • that's no secret

30. sometimes i feel that I track my spending and keep my credit cards full just so i can feel accomplished later when i pay it off its like a game to me.

31. All of my bosses make over 100k a year and are in debt.
    I can't help but feel superior to all of them because i make less than 30k per year, support two people by myself, pay significant amounts towards bills each month, and stick to a strict budget.
    I loathe them and their guttonous spending, I cannot even fathom having their paychecks and it still not being enough.

32. At age 61, I have no dependents but my sister does have two college-age children who could legally be my heirs if I died intestate. However, since neither of these children has ever shown the slightest interest in me or my welfare, I would will each of them no more than 10% of my cash assets. As far as I'm concerned, they have parents to provide for them and I do not intend to serve as another cash cow for people who have no concern for me.

    • I hope that you don't die intestate, but you need to get on drafting a will so that your wishes can be carried out. If you aren't giving your estate to your family, are you giving it to charity?

      • I intend to donate most of my assets to various cultural institutions that I care for. These qualify as charitable donations for tax purposes. But you're right, I have to get started setting up various trusts or stipulations in my will to ensure my wishes are respected.

33. I resent my mother for the many financial missteps she has taken over her life; BK, lottery check scam, bounced checks, can't get a bank account, etc…. I take every opportunity I can to let her know that I am far better with money than what she is even at her ripe age of 62. Now she thinks she is going to collect Social Security from my dad (whom she is divorced from and remarried) – fat chance! That is not going to happpen and we have told her this over and over but apparently the ladies fabricating their stories over coffee know more than her relative who works for Social Security and deals with this over and over, day after day. Happy Retirement.

34. I regret staying home with my kids for the last ten years. I've never had a real career and am almost 40. I currently work part time and bring home about $1000 per year. Very depressing.

35. My parents are going to leave me a lot of money when they die. I don't know why I'm so concerned about money right now. All I know is that I don't want them ever to die.

    • I completely agree. In Good Will Hunting, Skylar says that she would trade all of the money for one more day with her dad. So would I. I don't want my parents to die ever.

36. I never told my parents that I was so in over my head during my first few years of college I donated plasma just to eat. I had too much pride to accept help from anyone, so I sold plasma to put a few bucks of gas in the car for a weekend trip home and used the rest to eat out of vending machines for a week. Until the next week, when I'd do it all over again.

37. I don't much like some of my 'friends'. I only keep them around because it's better to have at least some people to hang out than no one at all.

38. When I file my taxes each year I claim a small deduction for money donated to registered charities, when in actual fact I make no donations whatsoever. It makes me feel pretty guilty really and I will start opening my wallet to give a little back.

39. I'm afraid of running out of money and losing everything so I hoard cash.

40. I have a lot of contempt for Corporate America in particular, and my employer in particular. I am only there to get a paycheck, and will do as little as I possibly can in order to not get fired. My goal is to continue on my current path for the next 5 or 10 years until I have accumulated enough of a nest egg that I can tell my company to F off, and never look back.

41. My husband still doesn't know how much debt we really have…he thinks it's $12k, but it's actually $23K…he was out of work for 2 years, so he feels badly enough about how we got into the debt…

42. A lot of my friends think I am very financially independent when the truth is otherwise. I make a decent amount of money (in fact, more than many of my friends) but live with my parents not because of choice but because I can't afford to live on my own with all my debt. None of which was used on important things but rather on my lifestyle.

43. I’m absolutely terrified of getting married because I don’t want to give up any control of my finances. I just don’t see myself ever being able to trust someone else with my money. It makes me really sad because I always imagined myself being in a long, committed marriage with kids. But now I’m starting to think it will never happen because of my money fears.

    • Here! Here!

    • You can always choose to be in a long, committed RELATIONSHIP (with or without kids). There's no reason to get married. Or have the wedding, but don't file the marriage license.

      I'm not getting married OR having kids. But it doesn't stop me from planning a life together with my partner. And we looked together at whether we would benefit financially from being married — and we wouldn't!

    • You don't have to give up control. I'm married and I won't let my husband near my money.

44. Like some others, I think people that are in debt and not trying to get out of it are just a bunch of lazy complainers. Do something about it already.

45. I have a lot of disdain for wealthy people. I never think that they worked really hard for the things they have. My immediate thought is always "it must be nice to have everything handed to you and never have to work hard for anything." Even if I know nothing about a person or there is evidence that they do work hard I always think their life is so much easier than mine.

    • I think that you have disdain for rich people. There is a line between being rich and being wealthy. Wealthy people actually tend to be frugal, as demonstrated by Thomas Stanley's book The Millionaire Next Door.

      They may have had everything handed to them, but it doesn't mean that they are any happier. In fact, higher income people tend to be more depressed and highly prone to addictions.

46. I jumped on the frugal bandwagon 10 months ago and have reduced my debt by $7000 in that time. My friends and family tell me how awesome that is but the truth is I am losing my resolve and I still have $34,500 to go. I miss spending my money on fun stuff.

47. I wish I would have planned better so I could be more generous with our children now that they are adults…..they had good lives growing up but I wonder if they wish they had a little less then and more now..

48. I'm single, I have no debt and I budget my money very well and save a lot every month. Yet I want a guy who can take me out to nice dinners, who offers to pay for everything and buys me gifts – but is at the same time also competent with his money. And I'm really scared I'll never find him.

    • This is my secret too

      • me too 🙁

49. I'm a college student and I've lied to my parents about having enough money to buy groceries just because I have too much pride to ask for help. I picked up a job at a restaurant just so I can have a hot meal to eat every night. I just started a new job that pays twice as much as the restaurant so hopefully I won't have to worry about where my next meal comes from. I still work at the restaurant, though. Just in case.

50. I lived off of retirement savings for 2 years because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do in life. Towards the end of the 2 year span, I had my car repo'd and lights cut off JUST before finding a job that I thought was acceptable. I was in debt to the IRS to the tune of 30k (now paid off). Now, I have nothing in retirement savings and constantly worried that I will be eating cat food.

    • It doesn't have to be that way. You can start contributing now and catch up for time lost.

51. I hate when poor, lazy or unorganized people tell me "I'm lucky". Sometimes I go through the trouble of telling them of the sacrifices I made to get to the place I'm at, but most of the time I don't bother because people see what they want to see, not reality.

52. I'm sometimes embarrased to be successful and I downplay my accomplishments when asked about them, almost to the point where people question whether or not I am qualified to be in my position.

53. I worry that we will never get out of debt because I'm unable to stand up to my husband and tell him no. I worry that because of our debt that we will never have children and that I will resent my husband for that.

    • That's my secret too. I hate being that person that tells you what to do with your money.

54. I secretly loath stay-at-home moms. Nothing about being cooped up in a house all day with kids sounds appealing to me. Problem: my husband expects me to do that when we have kids.

    • 100% agree!

      • I love to post on mommy blogs about my rather high income, just to be a bitch.

        • FYI Women who choose to be stay-at-home moms don't care how much you make – its a mom thing

55. An observation: I see a lot of college kids here who get into trouble because they have too much pride to ask their parents for help. I wonder how much that carries over into post-college years and getting into debt?

    Here's mine: I'm sick and tired of people telling me how well they'd live on my income because they're doing well on so much less. Dude, you have no clue how hard I worked to get to this income, how many loans I had to take out, how much I pay on them every single freakin month, but I know it's more than the mortgage both of you pay (sorry, directed toward the secretaries I work with). So take your mortgage, multiply it by two and a half, pay the rest of your bills, and then holla back at me. Until then, don't make presumptions about me and what I spent my money on. I spent it so I could have the six-figure salary before I was 30, and I wouldn't want to try to live on yours, even without my loans. Got it? Got it? Good!

56. I hate when I tell friends I’m trying to save and pay off my debt and they tell me I should ‘live a little’ and how they’re broke too. We don’t have the same agendas or goals. What you consider broke may not be the same for me and knowing that you’re ‘broke too’ doesn’t make me feel better. I have a plan and I’m working on it. I want to tell them if they can’t respect that then don’t call me. I’m bothered that instead of trying to encourage me to stay on target they try to pull me off course with invitations to do ridiculously expensive things instead of trying to pay off their debt as well.

    • Amen to that!

      • I so agree!!

        I'm struggling because a friend has invited me to go on a trip with her that will cost probably $1,000 – i just don't want to spend the money – and don't know how to tell her.

57. 1. I struggle not to resent my husband. I also struggle not to hit him with my cast iron skillet. We are in major debt, so much so that we barely squeeze by each week. Mostly due to the fact that in the past he bought things on credit cards that we couldn't afford. Like a 4-wheeler for his son from a previous marriage. On a credit card. A credit card. He even went so far as to lie to me that our car needed more work done than what it was worth so that he could buy a truck (yet another payment). He sold the car to his brother who fixed it for $40. Needless to say, the truck cost more than $40. Then there is the $400+ a month he spends on cigarettes, coffee, gum, eating out at work, etc. I feel guilty buying a $2 item at the dollar store that i know we don't really need.

    2. I struggle with anger towards my husband because of the spending.

    3. I have a savings account he doesn't know about. It's sad and pathetic and wouldn't keep me afloat for a week, but no matter how little, I add something to it each week.

    4. I have a huge crush on the debt ninja. Every time I see his net worth, I swoon.

    • i totally have a crush on him too 🙂

      • Leave your man. He sounds like my ex and my ex is my ex for a reason.

        • Wont do that. I married him for better or worse and as long as he isn't cheating or hitting on me I'm in it for the long haul. God will get me through. Well, God and Xanax………….

      • Aren't his stick figures dreamy?

58. I'm waiting for him to post *his* secret.

    • Maybe he already has….

59. I resent the money I loaned to my mom because instead of paying it back, she is spending it on things for her business that I deem unnecessary. She worked three jobs to raise me and my sister and I don't need the money (it was in an account for school that will have more than enough in it if my work doesn't cover tuition) but I'm still enough of a brat that I want the money back.

60. I have wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars on big houses, flashy cars and closets full of clothes with price tags attached that I never wear. I am afraid that my husband is secretly disgusted with my lack of self control and will divorce me.

61. I should also add that I am afraid that my husband won't be able to take the early retirement he dreams of because I've been too much of a spendaholic and he's been too submissive to put me in my place. I have really screwed our financial life up.

62. I resent auto union workers. I resent their salaries, which required little to no schooling. I resent the pensions they recieve after working 30 years. I resent their health care plans. I am a engineer with an income above the median household income, 75k in an indiana city. I resent the fact that with overtime, union workers can make as much or more than me.

    I'm afraid females want me for my stability and income. Marrying a female who makes less than 40k can never happen. I actually prefer she makes 50k. I also dont want her to make singificantly more than me.

63. After losing my job to the financial crisis and being out of work for a year, I have decided to never go back to work in the corporate rat race again and will be writing a screenplay or two (as many as it takes) instead. I don't care whether or not I'm successful. All I know is this: my spouse has a great job, we have blown my salary consistently year after year with absolutely nothing to show for it, and we are going to have to learn to live on one income whether the spouse likes it or not.

    I refuse to turn on the heating even if it's freezing (save money on heating bills) and I have cancelled every single subscription we ever had. I have cancelled cable, sold cars and cut back on insurance. I shop at the cheapest grocery store in town and cut way back on eating out.

    I will grow vegetables for relaxation this year and get the most out of my big back yard in terms of food production and other entertainment.

    Screw consumerism and materialism. I have more money in the bank now than ever before, even minus my income, due to all the cut backs and penny pinching. I have no desire to go out and blow it all on bullshit.

    I feel better already.

64. […] Punch Debt in the Face- Share your Secrets […]

65. I bought three new cars (in succession) in under three years. It was, as you might guess, a financial nightmare. On top of being sued for causing a car accident while uninsured (I fell asleep and ran a red light). Right out of college. It has taken me a long time to recover from massively poor financial decisions in my early/mid 20s.

66. In 2001 I lost my job and ran up $25,000 in credit card debt. When I got back in the workforce, I got involved with a shady debt settlement company, spent $20,000 trying to pay my debts and still couldn't. I cashed out my 401(k) so now I have no retirement savings. I had my truck repossessed. And I had to declare bankruptcy. I've never told anyone because I feel ashamed and stupid to have gotten into that mess.

67. […] at Punch Debt in the Face has a wildly successful post where he asks readers: Share Your Secret.  93 comments already! Lots of juicy secrets over there. Lots of employer related […]

68. I'm angry that my sister hasn't worked in over five years (her girlfriends pays for EVERYTHING), has debt up to her eyeballs, buys designer dogs, takes at least five-six vacations a year, defaults on loans (lender AND family) and because she's poor and over 30 my family feels bad for her and gives her money. right in front of me. ME, who works TWO very demanding jobs in order to save money and pay off school loans. i work an average of 55 hours per week, some are 14 hour days, and you're giving HER $100???

    it makes me want to scream.

69. I tried to start a small business 6 months ago and told my husband the stock I was buying was bought from business profits – it wasnt. I spent $5000 of "our" money on stock which is now sitting in boxes in my garage and the business never got off the ground.
    Now we're struggling to pay our bills week to week and every time he asks about it i feel guilty.

Comments are closed.