HomePunch In The FaceThings I want to punch in the face: Cats

Things I want to punch in the face: Cats

Killer Cats

After two days of blog posts actually focused around personal finance, it’s time for a little change of pace. Most other PF bloggers have some type of weekly or monthly series they publish. I however, have never had a series about anything…ever. So today, I’m proud to introduce Punch Debt In The Face’s very first blog series: “Things I want to punch in the face“. Pretty original right…haha! There’s no better way to get this party started than just jumping right in with this weeks topic: Cats!

I know, I know… I’m treading on thin ice here. Some of you will probably unsubscribe at the very mention of my disdain for the feline species, but you know what…if you like cats I don’t want you reading my blog anyways (<— that was for dramatic effect, please don’t stop reading). Call me a cat racist, but I can’t think of a single reason anyone would want to own one. Here are some reasons why I hate them…


I feel like everybody I know is allergic to cats. Some quick, and probably completely inaccurate, internet research indicated 25% of people have cat allergies. I know I can’t be in a room with one without feeling like someone poured tobasco sauce in my eyeballs and lemon juice down my throat.

A few years back, I stayed at a friends house who had a cat. It took me four days to stop sneezing and projectile vomiting everywhere from my allergy. (Okay, I didn’t really projectile vomit, but I wanted to, so I could get the disgusting cat molecules out of my body). If you own a cat you might as well put a sign on your door that says “I hate 25% of my friends.”

They’re either really dumb or just really rude:

One of my favorite ways to make some side income is by housesitting. It’s seriously the easiest money ever…”You mean you are going to pay me to use your hot tub, eat your food, and use your washer and dryer?” Sign me up!

That said, one of the families that frequently asks me to housesit for them has a cat. An evil black cat. Part of my chore list obviously involves making sure the cat gets two meals a day. Easier said than done. Either their cat is really dumb or really rude because the thing never comes to eat. No matter how many times I call Harold’s name, he doesn’t appear to understand what is going on. He just stares at me blankly and sits on the porch. If I step towards him, he runs away. I hate you Harold!

They’re everywhere:

This is probably the biggest reason I want to punch cats in the face. It’s the only domestic animal that’s not really domestic. They’re everywhere! Look here Miss Neighbor lady, if I see your freakin cat in my yard, on my porch, in my driveway, or anywhere near my house, I’m going to punt the thing like a football….

cat punt

Seriously, when did society decide cats are free to roam the earth as they please? If you own a cat, do the right thing, and keep the darn thing contained to your property. You like cats. I don’t. I shouldn’t have to deal with your cat gettin’ all up in my business.

They’re the junior varsity version of dogs:

Yeah I said it. Cats are the ugly red headed step child of Dogs. Why anyone would ever want a cat over a dog is beyond me. Let’s re-examine the three examples above…

While I can list off three or four people I know with cat allergies, I can only think of one person allergic to dogs. Not to mention there are several breeds of hypoallergenic dogs. Dogs 1, Cats 0.

Dogs are smarter. Period. They come when you ask them to come. When you talk to a dog, they often tilt their head as though they are trying to understand what you are saying. Cats don’t. They just walk away and pee on couches. Dogs 2, Cats 0.

Dogs stay where they are suppose to. I rarely, I’m talking like 1 out of a billion nights, see a dog wandering the neighborhood with no owner in site. I respect any animal that doesn’t get all up in my grill when I want nothing to do with it. Dogs 3, Cats 0

I could seriously go on forever, but I’ll end today’s rant here. I know I’m not the only one with an opinion though, so go ahead and drop a line below as to why you LOVE or HATE cats. I can’t wait for all the drama that’s about to unfold!!!

p.s. If you have something you would like to punch in the face, get in touch with me, and we can see about adding you to this new series. Only rule is, your rant has to be funny and lighthearted!

If you actually want some personal finance mumbo jumbo I have a guest post up on the Lending Tree Blog that you should go read 🙂

**No cats were harmed during the creation of this blog post**



  1. I think that there are cat people and dog people. I love cats. Dogs smell bad and they drool. How can you like that? Cats are not rude or dumb they just have character and are not bootlickers like dogs who do everything to please you.

    Anyway, your blog is still great and I will continue to read it.

  2. Man, this is the funniest article I read in a long time. I love the punting picture.

    I’m very allergic to cats too. My cousin has 4 and she let me stay overnight at her house once. She said “the sheets are clean” which meant no human slept in the bed. What she didn’t tell me is that was also her cats’ favorite napping spots.

    Then the next day, when she saw what I looked like, she said “You said you were allergic to cats, but I didn’t think you were THAT allergic” and then admitted that the room was her cat den.

    I also hate it when people think you’re making up your allergies. Why on earth would I lie about that?

    • Because people do lie about allergies. My mil likes to claim she is allergic to pork sausage, but will eat three servings of an egg casserole that is made with the stuff. If you can logically explain that one to me, maybe I’ll believe she isn’t lying.

  3. Haahah I love this article! I dun hate animals or anything, I just don’t really care much for em.

    I like cats, they’re clean animals. But they’re snobby too, you gotta earn their love, which I don’t really care to do :p

    Dogs drool and lick your face, which is very icky and disgusting, but they’re fun to play with. So I guess it’s a fifty-fifty for me!

    But I still think no pets is better. I hate hvg pet hair all over my clothes and stuff!

    • 100% agreed. I don’t hate animals either but I also don’t want to be a pet owner. I can honestly say that other pet owners solidified this conclusion for me. I have a neighbour whose cat craps all over my yard and also chewed up a dead bird and left its nasty carcass in my backyard which my children found. I have another neighbour who lets their dog crap all over my yard and pretends not to notice so they don’t have to pick up their mess. I’ve had friends who let their big ass dogs jump all over me when I go to their house, which IMO is so rude. If you want to be a pet owner fine, that’s your business, but please have some respect for other people and their property!!! Besides no matter how clean your house is, it stinks like dogs or cats.

  4. Wait. First you say you’re allergic to cats, and then you say you house-sit a place with a cat. Confusing, Ninja.

    • Should have clarified better. Their cat is an outdoors cat, so the only time I interact with it is feeding time.

  5. Dogs have owners, cats have staff…..but we still love our cat – and ya know why? He uses a litter box or the woods behind our house. No picking up doggie doo doo in the yard! We can leave him home for the weekend with a full dish of food and a bowl of water and he is happy (can’t leave a dog for more than 4 hours!). He also comes when we call, sleeps at our daugher’s feet, chases toys and blowing leaves, and purrs like crazy when scratched:) He doesn’t jump on people when they come to visit, doesn’t bark, doesn’t drool, and doesn’t sniff people in inappropriate places – ha!

    But he does tend to be drawn to my best friend who has cat allergies – somehow cats are like ninjas – they sense these things!!!

  6. Oh – and I have a suggestion of what to punch in the face next – CLOWNS!!! They are creepy……and MIMES too!

  7. I am with Den. I never thought I was a cat person…I’m super allergic and really like dogs. But now I live with 4 (I am not a crazy cat lady, I promise) and found they are extremely entertaining. You can leave them home for long periods of time, so for me it’s perfect (I’m rarely home, so having a dog is not an option for me right now). We also clean like crazy when people are coming over, and the cats aren’t allowed in any of the bedrooms, so there are safety zones for people spending the night who might be allergic to cats). My boyfriend has a dog though and I’m in love with it.

    Cats and dogs definitely have their pros and cons, but punching them in the face? Really, Ninja? 😛

  8. Training: I have 1 cat that will play fetch. I have 1 cat that, when I was training my dog, kept interrupting by doing the things I was trying to teach the dog to do: come, sit, down, etc. Then I have 3 cats who don’t do anything neat.

    Yes, I have 5 cats. I’m saving up for a Chinese restaurant.

  9. I have a cat. I’m allergic and she’s both dumb and rude. But I love her. And I hate all other cats. My cat is awesome but I want to punch all other cats in the face. And you’re right – I would have rather had a dog but I traveled a lot when I lived alone and my cat could stay alone for days at a time and I live in an apartment and would feel bad keeping a dog in a small space.

  10. Okay, good points. BUT dogs hump anything in sight. I once babysat for my neighbor, and their dang dog would not stop humping me! When I put pillows all around me to keep him away, he started humping the pillow! I know I’m sexy, but dang… Lay off!

    Personally, I just think dogs are too much work. You have to walk them outside no matter how atrocious the weather is. They’re SO needy! I cannot stand to walk in the door and first thing, have this dog jumping all over me and whining. Yeah, it’s nice to have someone who’s happy to see you, but my cats (I have two.) come out slowly when I get home. And they’re all like, “Hey, you can cuddle with me. If not, that’s cool too.” I just love that they’re aloof, and some days it feels like I don’t even have pets in the apartment! And if I go out of town? I don’t have to pay to board them or to have someone come over to house sit. We have a bowl that holds a lot of cat food and releases more food when the bottom part is empty. Same for water. We don’t have to groom our cats. They do it for us. And they don’t smell nearly as bad as dogs. UGH, dogs smell so gross!

    Seriously, Ninja! Cats are like a bajillion times CHEAPER than dogs! Isn’t it the responsible thing to use less money on your pet so you can punch debt in the face? Of course, you could fix that by not having a pet at all, but if the choice is between a cat and a dog, a cat is much cheaper on vet bills and general supplies.

    Also, to your point about cats being everywhere, that is definitely the result of bad pet owners. Everyone should have their animals spayed or neutered so they’re not having kittens that infest the earth. Seriously, I love cats, but I do not love seeing cats/kittens outside everywhere starving because someone “couldn’t afford” to have them fixed. If you can’t afford to have your cat fixed, don’t get a cat! And keep your damn animal on your own property! This is a problem I’ve had with both cats AND dogs, but it’s not the animals’ fault that it has bad owners.

    • “Isn’t it the responsible thing to use less money on your pet so you can punch debt in the face? Of course, you could fix that by not having a pet at all”

      ….or you could fix it by getting rid of all your debt, right? I see your point, although I would be flattered if a dog wanted to hump me. It’s like an instant compliment he finds me attractive. And I like getting compliments!

      You’re right. I guess I can’t blame cats for their often sucky owners. I presume your cat is indoors only?

      • Yep! Both of my cats are indoors only. One was already declawed when I adopted him, so he couldn’t go outside even if we did have a yard.

        Getting rid of all your debt is easier said than done. Two and a half years to go! 🙂

  11. It is definitely a cat lover versus dog lover thing. Anyway who says they love both equally is lying. I like dogs, but I love cats. I don’t have to arrange my schedule around my cats. If I want to stay out all night, I do. If I have to work late, I can. If I want to go away for a weekend, no problem! I’d much rather clean a litter box than walk through dog crap in my backyard. Cats wash themselves. I don’t have to plunk my cats into a bathtub and then get soaking wet when they come out and shake water all over. I don’t have to walk them (and living in a climate that has winter for 5-6 months out of the year, that is appreciated!). And cats are quieter. And they take up less room in bed!

    Plus cats are smarter – they don’t do tricks or come on command, but if you pat the couch and say ‘come here!’, most humans would look at you and roll their eyes! And that’s exactly what cats do. They’re not trained to follow commands. They have their own thoughts and ideas and they follow them. It’s called free will and that is what we appreciate as humans, so why do people look down on cats for the same thing?

    The many problems that non-cat lovers have with cats is the fault of the owners. I have a friend whose husband is allergic to cats (not very badly, but enough that he takes allergy meds before coming over) and I make a point of vacuuming and cleaning up the couch/chairs before he comes. It’s called common sense and decency. Most people should try it sometimes. The shelters are full of cats because owners are irresponsbile, ignorant and can’t be othered to take care of their pets (getting cats spayed or neutered would solve so many problems). I love cats and I do have to admit I am a bit offended by the severity of your hatred for them. To me, you can have a preference, but you shouldn’t hate cats because they’re different than dogs. That’s like saying you hate bunnies because they don’t like being walked. They’re genetically different and have their own advantages and disadvantages. I know your article is tongue in cheek, but to hate an entire type of animal because you don’t think they’re as smart as another is very similar to a horrific leader of Germany many years ago (and in case it wasn’t obvious, that too was tongue-in-cheek).

  12. I agree with the thread that “there are cat people and dog people.” I am a devoted cat-owner … but I can see all your points. There are days when my older cat Mo is a total bastard (crawls all over me and farts in my face and refuses to eat his food unless I heat it for him) and my younger cat Win is a brat (will sit and contentedly purr for 2 minutes then suddenly CHOMP on my fingers). They’re not like that all the time or I’d probably be rid of them by now. But they are smart, and at least my cats really enjoy being social – I know there are antisocial ones out there. And mean ones, too.

    But don’t hate on all cats – they’re just like people, and some have hateful personalities, while others are, well, awesome. Like children. They’re cute and we need to have them to further our species, but they also puke and pee and cry and scream until they grow up and become spiteful teenagers who get suspended from school and wreck cars and all that … Ok, I promise I don’t hate children – they’re just a good analogy to use!

  13. I am a cat person. Our dog is dumb. Seriously, seriously dumb. She can’t help it…she’s pure bred.

    I think I’m a cat person because they require the amount of attention I am willing to give a pet. You know…pet, pet, pet, purr, purr, purr. Now, go away. Dogs require too much from me. That may sound selfish, but I’m just being realistic.

    Oh…and cats are hysterical. Great, cheap entertainment!

  14. I was a serious dog person. Until I got a cat. And then I got two. And now I love them and think they are fascinating. They may be rude but definitely not dumb. At least mine aren’t. I dealt with my allergies holistically and no longer have issues my cats are any others. So now I’m dog and cat person. 🙂

  15. I don’t need pets, I have kids.

    But if I did have a pet, it would definitely not be a cat. Cuddly things are overrated.

  16. My fate as a cat-lover was sealed at birth; I’m a Leo! We looove our 2 indoor cats; they’re AWESOME! They hang with us when we watch TV, they fetch, they’re clean, use the litte box, and bowls of water and food will feed them for days! Don’t get me wrong, we love dogs too, but cats are way more condusive to our lifestyle and work hours. Just when I think I might want to get a dog, I see owners walking them at all hours of the morning and night, in all kinds of weather, pickin’ up the steaming poop… scares me straight! Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, and for that, Ninja, even though you choose dogs over cats, I will continue to read and reply to your wicked blogs!

    Oh, and I should mention we got rid of our queen-size bed and got a king so there’s room for all of us? Yep, we looove our cats!

  17. A handy list of facts:

    1 + 1 = 2
    The capital of the USA is Washington, DC
    Dogs are better than cats.
    The New York Yankees deserve to be punched in the face.

  18. Anyone out there in Cat Lover Land care to admit they don’t contain their cat inside. I know some of you have to let yours out!?

    If you keep your kitty in doors I commend you, and you can love cats all you want 🙂

    • My bf’s mom has like 6 cats (one mommy cat who brought her 4 kittens to the deck and somehow juz got adopted) and a stray male who came and took possession of their garage and never leaves despite what they do. It’s hilarious really, coz when the male is outside the other cats can’t go out, so mom would put the note “Bernie is out” on the sliding door. When I visited forr the first time, I said,”What a smart cat, to let you know he’s out late” haha (lame, I know)

      But they put the note there when Bernie is out of the garage coz he likes to fight w the other cats.

      The mommy cat (I nvr remember her name) likes to come and look at me when I sit on the sofa, then comes closer, until she’s on my lap, curled into a ball and sleeping. It’s hilarious coz I don’t really care much for pets, so when the cats come and look at me or whatever,I’d glance but don’t do anythg. They’d come closer and butt their heads against me til I oblige and scratch/pet them. It’s cute and pretty funny.

      And one of em is pretty boisterous sleeper, just like a child. She would be in its basket at first but rolls all over it, sometimes ends up outside of it 🙂

      Mom has a dog too, she’s kinda crazy and dumb and bf and his brothers dun really like her but his sister loves the dog. I really don’t care for it much but it’s fun coz we can take it outside and run in the yard w it. Cats don’t do that!

  19. Totally agree with you. Another thing I don’t like about cats is how they can climb on counter tops. Cooking dinner, run to answer the door, cat walks on food. GROSS!

    • We live on the 22nd floor of an apartment, so our cats are most definitely indoor only. As for climbing on counter tops and getting into food, that is an owner thing – I trained my cats as kittens not to even look at human food or jump on counters. Cats may not come when called, but they can be trained to obey certain basic rules.

  20. Funny post and funny comments. Lots of pretty accurate observations too. 🙂

    Personally I like both cats and dogs. Having both can be a riot. To me both have their quirks as well as their benefits. I really enjoy watching a movie with a cat in my lap and a dog at my side. (All my dogs have been way too big to sit in my lap. Not a big fan of small dogs.)

    Training cats is easy as long as you have the right expectations. You won’t be able to get them to fetch or stay or even sit on command. My main focus in training a cat is teaching it what not to do such as jumping on counters, scratching furniture, and so on.

    Some dogs are easier to train than others. In general dogs’ eagerness to please and the fact that they’ll do pretty much anything for a treat means you can train them to do many more things than you can train cats to do.

  21. HAH, this post is hilarious even though I love cats. In fact, I can’t stand dogs, and one of those reasons is actually the same as a reason why you hate cats – they get all up in your grill when you don’t want them to be. I thankfully don’t have many friends with dogs, but those that do, they’re always jumping all up on me, licking my toes, and not understanding my “don’t even come near me” look that I think I give pretty darn well. So I feel your pain, but don’t agree that it’s a cat-specific problem.

    I’d be willing to write a post about punching bad drivers in the face. After many years of driving in both Chicago and San Diego, I can securely say that both cities have crappy drivers, but for completely different reasons. And all such drivers deserve to be punched in the face. At least more so than a poor, cute, tiny kitty cat! ;P

  22. Yep, allergic and don’t like most cats. Although I have met a few cats that I really like. They sure are interesting creatures. I mostly like teasing them with string or some other object. I would agree that cats are dumber then dogs. lol.


  23. Say what you want, but there is a little yellow cat asleep on my lap right now, that is keeping me warm enough not to need to turn up the heat, thereby saving me money. She also comes when I call her, knows how to sit and stay on command and also does the head tilt/trying to understand look when I speak to her. To be fair, the other one is DUMB, clumsy and messy, but when I got him, he mostly spent time with the dog, so he may actually think he is a dumb, smelly dog. Also, saying you want to punch a cat in the face makes me want to punch you in the face as I have been known to turn off any movie or show that even hints at violence towards cats.

    • Is that a threat lindsey?! If it is I’m sorry for offending you. If it’s a joke, then I still think cats are dumb.

  24. I’m usually more of a lurker on the PF blogs, but Ninja, I’ve got to thank you. Your point on folks with allergies is so spot on. I’m pretty severely allergic and my sister and her hubby got a cat recently. I can’t spend more than 2 hours in her house before I become a sniveling, watery eyed, itchy mess. Where’s the love, sis?! Oh and keep on punching debt (and other stuff!) in the face!

    • Why should cat lovers have to cater to the people who are allergic to cats? It seems so selfish to say, my sister/mom/brother/friend can’t have a cat because I’m allergic and I might want to visit once in awhile.

      • I’m not trying to be selfish, merely expressing some frustration at the situations that can be imposed by animals living places…For me, I live in a different state from my sister. If I want to see her and her family, I have to either host them at my place or get a hotel room near her house. She talks about wanting people, particularly family, to visit and stay with them, but has made it near impossible for some of us (there are others with cat allergies in the family) to do so. It’s just annoying and I was trying to make light of it. I apologize if that failed to come across in my post, Lea.

        • Sarah – I agree that if your sister is saying she wants family to visit and then gets a cat that will hinder that, that is a bit ridiculous. But at the same time, I do see her point – for the few times a year that family with allergies might come to visit, why should she stop herself from having an animal if she really wants one? She has the cat who gives her love and affection for 365 days a week and family who come to visit for maybe 5-10 days. My post was also referring to Ninja’s comment in his blog, “If you own a cat you might as well put a sign on your door that says “I hate 25% of my friends.””

          I don’t think people get cats thinking, hmmmm, how will this affect the lives of my friends/family? And on the other side of the coin, people with dogs don’t think about their friends when they get dogs (and most often don’t train them) so they jump and drool all over people whenever you visit.

  25. Cats are simply tiny, acrobatic, disobedient dogs. But one out of 10 can actually be a cool pet.

    How bout punching rabbits in the face? Now those suckers are filthy.

  26. Animals are a commodity, in my estimation, similar to iPods and guitars. Ever since I arrived at this decision it has been much easier for me to appreciate other people’s critters.

  27. This post is deserving of a Roflmao! <—– (hardcore version of lol)

    On a side note you've peaked my curiosity about earning extra dough via house sitting!

  28. I grew up with huge dogs and while I still like them a lot, I also ended up liking cats a lot. I had some crappy experiences with cats when I was younger but my opinion’s changed and now I work in animal welfare with special attention to cats.


    – People, especially males, feel like it’s socially acceptable to “hate” them (sadly, including real violence – not like your joking threat) and discount them because they think they’re “feminine”. Really – the whole “cat hate” thing is just too easy these days. It’s like making fun of the Germans. Like, really? Cool, let’s make some Everybody Loves Raymond-style jokes about wives and mothers and we can just maintain that barely funny status quo of sexism and violence against those who are constantly marginalized or who can barely protect themselves instead of pretending that you’re actually referring to real animals or real people. I don’t think you actually mean it but when I look at headlines that involve cats in suitcases drowned in the river, cats put in microwaves, cats who die after being nailed to poles or crazy-glued to highways, or cats thrown out of cars in heavy traffic…the “harmless” joking does start to wear on me.

    – Cat behavior is totally different than dog behavior and people get frustrated that it’s not intuitive to them. If you read a basic cat behavior book it’s not that hard!

    – In many areas they’re the species most likely to populate shelters and die in higher numbers due to lack of homes

    – Many many people who feed outdoor feral (aka un-adoptable, unowned) cats don’t bother to do Trap-Neuter-Return and fix the cats to cut down on overpopulation. (Those are likely the kittens ended up in the shelters when they’re caught young enough to be tamed, with their parents still left outside to keep having babies…or they’re abandoned housecats who will likely have a hard time surviving outside for the first time in their lives and slowly/painfully waste away if they don’t end up in the shelter.) Those same people don’t work with their neighbors on deterrents to keep cats out of where they’re not wanted. Many many deterrents exist (just like they do for all free-roaming wildlife). Also, the cats don’t know it’s YOUR yard.

    – The friendly/friendlier ones have a tremendous capacity for forgiveness and love. Cats who’ve been abused by people physically or who have seen their mother cat torn apart by packs of street dogs as she tried to protect them (they were so tiny they crawled into drainpipes to defend themselves while their mother stood her ground; wow, what an asshole she was, right?) — have had huge learning curves with trust but have done it. They’ve shown a capacity for trust above and beyond most humans I know.

    Really, I love both cats and dogs. And I do love people. And I’m sure you didn’t mean it literally but I thought I should let you know that there are plenty of us out here who actually DO see people doing this and just have to help fix the animal (if it’s still alive) and cross our fingers that the arrest/penalty is worth enough to mean something to the person who’s done it. And for that reason, I can’t even just say “I know it’s a joke – I can think it’s funny.”

    Oh, p.s. black cats are unlucky in the US but *lucky* in England.

  29. I love cats. Hate dogs. HATE them. And my boyfriend and I have one! I still hate her, even after 3.5 years. He hates dogs too, but likes this one. Unfortunately. I literally daydream about her getting cancer or something – and the thing is, she’s a really good dog, if you like them.

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