HomeUncategorizedNote to self: Don't get stabbed

Note to self: Don’t get stabbed

Well, yesterday was eventful. Woke up to this text message from my mom yesterday….

Just a few notes about that text message…

1) I live in a major city, yet somehow I only have one bar of service. AT&T sucks!

2) Yes, my mother’s name in my phone is “Mummsy.”

3) My mom apparently thinks wishing me a “Happy Sunday”, before telling me my brother was stabbed, will help subside any panic. Love ya mom.


Long story short, my brother was at a friend’s birthday party. My bro put his arm around an unknown intoxicated party attendant and asked that guy if he would like a drink. The individual responded by declining the offer, and instead stabbing my brother in the neck with a paring knife that was on an adjacent kitchen counter top.

What did my brother do after being stabbed? Well, like a freakin’ Ninja he immediately put the guy in a headlock, until other party goers tackled the guy and pinned him to the ground. The police and the paramedics were called. Bro Ninja ended up being transported to a Seattle hospital where he was in the ER and ICU for about 10 hours. As for the jerk that stabbed my brother, he is in jail, facing felony assault charges. Can’t wait to see justice be served.

My brother was released from the hospital at around lunchtime yesterday and is doing well. He’s got a sweet wound on his neck (pictured below) and is pretty groggy from all the sedatives/painkillers the hospital had him on. I may be playing caretaker over the next few days to help my parents out, so if you don’t hear much from me that is why.

Moral of the story is this...Make sure you have adequate health insurance, you never know when you might get stabbed in the neck. Wish my brother well 🙂

p.s. I’m pretty sure this means he can be in a gang now…being stabbed has to earn you some pretty serious street cred, right?

p.p.s. as promised here is a picture of my brother’s wound…


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  1. Dude. All I ask is that in the future you warn us before posting photos of neck stabbings!

    Glad your bro is ok.

  2. WOW! What is the world coming to?? I’m glad to hear that your brother is OK. Makes ya weak in the knees just thinking what might have happened. Happy Monday.

  3. OMG!! That’s one sick lookin’ wound! Glad to hear he’s OK and released; I really hope the douchbag that stabbed him gets what he deserves… becoming someone b*tch in prison!

  4. OMG That’s crazy! Thank goodness Im not in the USA. Who does that!! Was the guy on drugs? Though it doesn’t matter. Off to jail, do not collect 200$.

    I hope your brother recovers 110%

    • I just gotta say, that is not a standard response in the US to “hey bud, want another drink?” In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s not a standard response to that question ANYWHERE. Dude is nuts!

  5. Wow. This used to be Punch Debt in the Face; now it’s Stab Brother in the Neck. I hope he’s OK. That’s a pretty risky place to get wounded.

  6. Wow AT&T does suck. Oh and hope your bro gets better and stops touching people he doesn’t know. Some people tend of overreact.

  7. That’s insane and crazy! (Not the cruddy AT&T service), but just to be stabbed like that!

    I do hope he’s okay!

  8. Holly molly Batman!!! That is freaking bonkers! At least it in the US the guy may actually get what is coming to him. Here in Canada he would already be out…but your brother wouldn’t have a huge hospital bill either. That is some wound, hope he is okay.

  9. Your brother wins some serious man points! Putting that jerk in a headlock with a thundering great big hole in his neck- amazing.

    So glad to hear your brother’s ok!

  10. I’m really glad that your brother is ok and that the guy is is jail.

    I also love your mom’s text.

  11. Holy goodness! Glad he is doing alright. What a story! Glad the crazy is in jail! My mom has actually done the same. One afternoon she sends me “your sister (diabetic) spent the night at the hospital. they may keep her a few more days. no need to worry or come home.” Really!? 1. You wait almost a day to tell me. 2. You really don’t think I’m going to come home or worry.

    • I did warn you, in the fourth to last paragraph where I said a picture of the wound would be found below 🙂

  12. Oh my god! That is no joke–I mean–he really got freaking stabbed in the neck! I know that it sounds weird to say he is “lucky”, but seeing how real that stab was–seriously he is lucky!

    Best wishes to your whole family, and a speedy recovery your brother.

  13. Oh my goodness!! Glad to hear he’s OK.

    And maybe now I’ll think twice about going to parties. Wha? How does this even happen?!?!

    Sidenote: My mom totally sends me texts like that. “Hey Melissa! Hope you’re having a great weekend. We went out for dinner last night at this new place, and it was great. Oh, by the way, everything’s fine, but your sister got in a car accident last night. She’s OK. Talk to you soon! xoxo”

  14. Thank God your brother is okay! I think the stab wound is pretty crazy, and I love that your mom just eased to news in for you via text haha.

  15. OK let me set the record straight. DN had complained previously when I gave him some bad news about an accident his dad was in without “warning” him first…..So I thought by saying Happy Sunday that would ease him into it. There is no good way to do this and we could not talk on our cell phones in the trauma ICU so I snuck him a text.

    so give me some room here I had a ninja down and was doing the best I could!

  16. WHAT????? That …. what … I’m sorry, I can’t speak. That is the craziest, most unexpected thing I’ve ever read. He got stabbed in the NECK?? I’m glad he’s doing okay. Wow, what a bada$$ for putting his stabber in a headlock!!

  17. I only need to add that this post is number 666. Dun dun dun!

    Glad your bro is okay. All those years brothers spend wrestling with each other does pay off doesn’t it? You don’t want a drink huh? How bout a smelly half-nelson? Jerk.

    Hope you keep us informed as the trial happens.

  18. Whuuu!??? THAT IS CRAZY! You’re a nice brother for taking care of him and HOLY JESUS thank goodness he is OK.

  19. let me guess, your brother was the annoying kid that couldn’t take no for an answer?
    Its easy to tell a story one sided, it always takes two, dumbass preppie whiteboys

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