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HomePunch In The FaceThings I want to punch in the face: Hipsters

Things I want to punch in the face: Hipsters

Seeing that Thanksgiving is just around the corner for us Americans, I figure most bloggers will be writing about things they are thankful for. I already did that last month, so there is no need for me to repeat myself. Instead, I’ll go against the grain, and blog about something I want to punch in the face. This go around, Hipsters are up on the chopping block.

Let’s break this down….

Hair:

Look. If you have to do the hair-flippy-head-bob more than once every five minutes to keep the hair out of your eyes, I have an easy solution. CUT YOUR FREAKIN’ HAIR! I can’t even pay attention to what you are saying because instead of listening to you, I’m trying to figure out if you are having a mild seizure and need medical assistance. Your hair is not as cool as you think it is.

Glasses:

If your glasses have no lenses in them, you sir/madam are a tool. Those of us with REAL vision issues are offended by your blatant mockery of our impairment.  I hate everything about you. EVERYTHING.

Cleavage V-neck:

If the bottom of your v-neck is parallel to your nipples, I have news for you… YOUR V-NECK IS TOO LOW. I use to think busty women were the only people guilty of over-cleavage-ing society. Sadly, that is no longer the case.

Skinny Jeans:

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I love skinny jeans…on Girl Ninja. But male hipsters hear this, if your jeans are so tight I can literally see the outline of your “you know what”, it’s time to get yourself a new pair of pants. I honestly don’t get this trend at all. How do you not feel at least a little silly when you step foot outside? Oh wait, that’s right, your glasses don’t actually help you see. ::facepalm::

The stache:

Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck are the only two men on earth that have earned the right to rock a mustache. Period.

I can think of at least 78 billion more things that bother me about hipsters including, but not limited to; slouch beanies, scarf wearing when it is 60+ degrees outside, tattoos on your wrists, leather satchels, and the infamous janitor key ring hanging off your belt loop.

In sum, I hate hipsters.

 

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31 COMMENTS

  1. That made me smile, which hurt my face since I’m still recovering from having my wisdom teeth removed. o_0 Is there some sort of system where I can inform you when not to make a post that will make me smile? 😉

    Although, I have to disagree with the wearing glasses if you won’t actually have a vision problem bit though. Glasses are sexy. (Unless they look like this http://www.sharkvsbear.com/2008/0501_cobrasnake/1/slides/heartsRevolution_13.jpg or this http://www.glassesales.com/images/shuttershades-sunglasses-003.jpg … those people should be punched in the face). If a person willing to fake a vision problem to win me over, that’s alright in my book. 😀

  2. Haha! Thanks for the great laugh. As one who lives near one of the hipster capitals of the world (Brooklyn) I can relate to your disdain.

    • Haha, I laughed hard too. This is awesome. Skinny jeans are so lame….besides I don’t think I could fit my little toe in one pant leg much less both legs in both pant legs. haha. However, my fiancee is smokin’ in em.

  3. love this. the town i live in is full of hipsters. they drive me nuts.
    most of the employees at the local businesses are hipsters and they give the worst service ever–probably because i don’t look hipster enough for them.

    • Same here but don’t worry, the poor service isn’t just for you. The problem is that hipsters aren’t motivated by money (ie tips) so they make horrible servers/bartenders in general. I once waited 20 minutes to be greeted by a server at a hipster run restaurant.

  4. This was great- although I’m not sure that tattoos on wrists are limited to hipsters anymore. Inked friends of mine have put tattoos here because they are easily covered by a watchband and don’t detract from a professional appearance.

    Another hipster trend I can’t believe you didn’t mention- women not shaving their armpits.

  5. I have a male friend who wears: glasses with no lenses, scarfs, skinny jeans, and a v necks all in the same outfit. Yup, he’s a tool. And I am sure, if he was not in the military he would have the beiber hair cut. And yes, I do want to punch him in the face.

  6. i love this post, hipsters… Hate’ em. i wanted to find some skinny jeans and mock these morons for halloween but i couldnt find any that fit me at 5’11” and 215 lbs my quads are just too big but the thought was there. Trendy is only trendy if you care. have a happy thanks giving

  7. UGH!! Glasses without lenses make me stab-y. Perhaps I’m just jealous because I cannot see anything more than 10 inches from my face, or maybe it’s the fact that I spend upwards of $500 per year on vision care despite using the same frames for 5 years (and my insurance company considers contact lenses “cosmetic.” I didn’t know peripheral vision was cosmetic.) It’s also really hard to wear glasses when my sinuses are out of control because it feels like a 10 pound weight is sitting on my nose. Anyway, if this were twitter, I’d label this under #firstworldproblems, but aside from parades, bad drivers and hard boiled eggs, it’s one of my biggest pet peeves.

  8. Where were all these people when I was a nerd just because I was a nerd, and not because it was ‘cool’?

  9. HAHAHAHA!!! LOVE… THIS… POST!! Kinda makes me wish I’d have checked out the Hoard o’ Hipsters at the Occupy Toronto rally. V-Neck cleavage on a man is just wrong on all levels!!

  10. Hahaha! Love it.

    Forgot one: plaid. You’re not a hunter, lumberjack, etc. But you still rock it.

  11. *gasp!* Is that Zooey Deschanel I see up there with the lovely lovely bangs? Yes, I do believe it is. *nom nom nom*

    But anyway. My first tweet when I got off the train in Chicago Union Station for FinCon was a 4square check-in. And I believe I appended “Hipsters urrrrrverywhere” or something of the like to it.

  12. LOL I LOVE THIS!!!
    Vancouver is FULL (saturated to the brim) with hipsters!!

    I agree with all points- seriously WHY WEAR GLASSES WITHOUT LENSES IN THEM!?! WTF!!!! And the skinny jeans? The V neck T’s?! C’mon!

  13. Thanks Ninja – you cracked me up!

    As a fellow Vancouverite, I definitely know what youngandthrifty’s referring to!

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  16. I live in PDX and have a love/hate relationship with hipsters. I want to punch all of them, but am fully aware they make all the coffee in the universe. So I tolerate the hipster smirk for the three days a year I drink coffee.

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