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Seriously Girl Ninja?

Every now and again I like to rant about some of the funny things Girl Ninja does that I don’t think I will ever understand. Some of my past rants have discussed her inability to keep her hair to herself  (I have found it in my toothbrush and on my clothes), or the 85 million blonde bobby pins that I find in every nook and cranny in our apartment. I’ve got a few more to add to the list…enjoy 🙂


Girl Ninja LOVES to buy things, only to return them a few days later. It will never, ever, EVER make sense to me. We go to Christmas Eve service each year which typically means dressing up a little. Girl Ninja headed off to Target to go look for a new outfit for the service. She came back with three outfits. Instead of deciding on them in the store, she decided to buy them and decide on them at home. She came home, tried them on, asked for my two cents, and then picked the outfit she wanted to keep. A few hours later, we were back at Target, standing in the return line. I rarely return things. Girl Ninja ALWAYS returns things.

New Outfits:

Ha! Did you see this one coming after the last example? I will forever be amazed by the excuses girls can come up with to buy a new outfit. Christmas Eve Service…new outfit. Good friends wedding…new outfit. Easter Sunday…new outfit. The Bachelor season finale episode…new outfit. Okay that last example was made up, but I’m not kidding, any chance Girl Ninja has to by a new outfit, she takes it. I’ll never understand how her closet can be jam packed with clothes, but she can still look at me and say “I have nothing to wear.”

Chocolate after dinner:

Nothing makes me laugh harder than Girl Ninja giving me pouty lips, looking like she’s dying and about to cry all because she desperately needs a piece of chocolate after dinner. It’s quite sad really. It doesn’t happen very often, but there are definitely times nothing can get in the way of Girl Ninja’s mission to obtain a chocolate treat. Maybe I should start storing M&Ms in my desk so I can bribe her with them when I need a favor 🙂 I’m convinced, if Girl Ninja ever became homeless, she would hold a sign that read “Will work for Chocolate.”

Ahh, yes. The funny things I never knew about the opposite sex. I’ve only lived with a girl for five months now and can’t imagine what other quirky things I’ll discover over the coming years. What about your partner makes you laugh? Any things you didn’t know you were signing up for? Why do women love chocolate more than men?

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  1. You know they say diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I definitely think chocolate is a girls best friend. Although my lady friend doesn’t do the whole returning thing she does have tendencies to shop online and when she realizes she may not need it anymore( or had a need for it in the first place) she will sell it on ebay or craigslist. I must also say chocolate appears to be the secret gateway to a girls heart, otherwise on Valentine’s day it would be sitting on the shelf right where it belongs.

  2. Haha! Yes, there are plenty of things that my wife does that make no sense to me. I consider myself a logical person and when illogical things are performed, I just have to shake my head and laugh. I love her to death though. 🙂

  3. I’ve never been into the whole chocolate (I’d SO much rather have cheese) but I understand the returning bit. It’s really strange how clothing can look 100% different once you get home and try them on. I broke my buying/returning habit when I stopped buying things unless I reacted with “this is the best piece of clothing I’ve ever seen on myself” when trying it on in the store. Once in a while I’m still fooled and have to return something after trying it on at home but now I just don’t buy anything unless I absolutely love it.

    Oh, and there is a LOT of pressure on women to look put together and current and beautiful. That means new outfits that you bought last year may look silly this year and you now need a new one. Also, that means lots and lots of beauty products. I would suggest that you just focus on the fact that your wife looks awesome, beautiful and sexy and be glad for that 🙂 If she didn’t do all of this, she’d probably just look frump-tastic.

    • I hate the media then. If girls didn’t feel like they had to be up with the latest trend then I could be saving a bunch of coin. Oh well, she does look sexy.

    • Hahaha I’m totally with you. I’d much rather have cheese than chocolate. BF doesn’t understand that one at all. =)

  4. Be grateful. If you go to this very morning, you can see videos of “Kesha eats toilet paper” and “Krystin is addicted to eating chalk.” Then there’s Josh, “who needs professional help to break free of his pizza addiction,” and Rosalie Bradford, who bedbound as the “world’s heaviest woman . . . realizes she has a food addiction.” Duh.

    “Chocolate is an addicting drug. Scientists have found that naloxone, an opiate blocker, reduces chocolate addiction. This is strong evidence that chocolate is addictive, just like any other drug. However, chocolate is only a mild version of addicting drug – but enough to have the brain effect that creates the real, compulsive attraction.

    “In addition to caffeine (although not nearly as much as coffee), chocolate contains other chemicals, such as theobromine, phenylethylamine, that create [a] marijuana-like effect on the brain. Such chemical effect of chocolate on the brain is significant and substantial, especially when the chocolate seduction is reinforced by the smell, taste, and texture of chocolate.”

    Just reporting what I found on the Internet.

  5. Chocolate is high on my list but I’d say I do love the hubby more. As for the reason we buy so many clothes…Beth hit the nail on the head. There is tons of pressure to look current. My husband had the same thing to say about me buying clothes. Even though I am a true bargain shopper. Then he started to realize, it was just a woman thing and he would probably never understand it.

    No more arguments there. But I know sometimes by the looks he gives that he is still trying to figure it out. As for the returning…I do that too. The lighting and other “staging” stores do may allow you to look fab in the store. (Don’t forget they are trying to make money). However in real lighting and once you pair the clothes up with your shoes, it may be worth it to just buy and then take back the items that don’t “work”.

  6. I have a hard time returning things. Last night, I got my mom a new phone with caller ID because she said that her old phone did not work (the caller ID). After getting a new phone from Walmart, opening the box, and reading the instructions I saw that the phone needed batteries for the caller ID to work. I looked at my mom’s old phone and saw that the old phone had a place for batteries. My mom was like, I guess we don’t need the new phone, you should return it. I don’t think that it is right to return the phone because: 1) I opened it up and it is now used, 2) I used the instructions to fix the other phone, and 3) The new phone is not defective. You could say that clothes are a little “used” by the time you buy them because of people trying them on in fitting rooms, but I still don’t feel right buying something and then reneging later when the item has no defects.

    • As long as the item is in salable condition, I would have no issues returning it. If the store is willing to take it back, I don’t think the customer needs to feel concerned. And bear in mind that whenever you buy a pair of pants, there’s at least a chance that someone else has tried them on and the store has returned them to the rack. I would not, however, return chocolate.

  7. I return things ALL THE TIME. It drives my fiance nuts, but I do it for two main reasons:

    1) Buy it online and I don’t know how it will fit. Therefore I order 2-3 different sizes and styles of an outfit and keep the one I like best. I only buy online at stores I can return at in person. Sometimes I also order lots of stuff to avoid paying for shipping.

    2) Some fitting rooms are so small that it’s hard to see if an outfit really looks good. If you take a few things home, you can see it in better light, in a better mirror.

    I don’t get the chocolate obsession, but I’ve never been much for sweets.

  8. My husband is of the “must have chocolate after dinner camp.” I keep a stash of mini-snickers & milky ways in the freezer since he never shops for it and always whines when he can’t find any in the pantry.

  9. Okay, the only one I’m with Girl Ninja on is the chocolate. I would rather receive chocolate as a gift than flowers, jewelry, or pretty much anything else. It’s so delicious!

    But that first one… She’s weird! I cannot imagine trying to reconcile her budget every month with purchases and returns like that! I don’t buy clothes without trying them on first because I HATE going back to a store to return something. And if I’m in the dressing room and can’t decide, I take photos on my phone and send them to my mom, a friend or Mr. Red for help. But I never, ever buy things if I don’t intend to wear them. So if I’m *not sure* I like something when I’m at the store, I just don’t buy it. Woman! Geez! 😉

    • Simmer down. There is obviously some broad stereotyping going on. I don’t literally think every woman that has ever walked the earth loves chocolate.

      • It seems like all of your posts about what your wife does, especially when different than something you do (ESPECIALLY when something the pf community would disagree with), are about “all women.”

        Also, I hate to mention it, because my mentioning it plays into anti-feminist stereotypes, but it is kind of insulting for you to tell me to “simmer down” when I’m politely making a statement. That kind of directive implies that I am being overly-emotional, again feeding into a negative female-stereotype, just because I dislike your use of broad-based female stereotypes and after many posts am finally indicating my dislike directly to you.

        • Dislike away my friend. Perhaps I should clarify when I say all women, I really mean all women I’ve ever lived with or been married to 🙂

          • Wow….sounds like somebody needs a xanax….if someone dislikes what you write then they don’t have to read it – that simple! It’s your blog, PDF, so keep doing ya thing!

  10. Oh my, I was also a returning fiend until I started working in retail. The perspective has changed a bit. (Although, I do work in a rather small store without a ‘returns’ or ‘customer service’ counter that’s separate from the regular checkout.)

    One thing I will never understand is you menfolk and your definition of “doing the laundry”. Mr. Retail (and, according to the girlfriend/wives’ club, all of his friends) insist that doing the laundry means putting it through the washer and dryer, and then folding it and leaving it in the basket. Apparently, ‘returning clean laundry to its closet/wardrobe’ is an entirely separate chore in man world!

    • “Apparently, ‘returning clean laundry to its closet/wardrobe’ is an entirely separate chore in man world!”

      LOL, I do that all the time. I do like to get the clothes out of the dryer (leaving them in is just rude), but I may not put them in their place for a while.

  11. omg im the same exact way!!!! BF haaaaaates going to return stuff with me, its been that way for the past 5 years 😀 and i agree i need new outfits all the time, moreso shoes for me. BF will never understand why i need new boots/shoes all the time.

    oh and BF finds my hair in his butt… im sure you have found GN’s there too right? haha how it got there im not sure!

  12. I buy stuff and then return it all the time. I work at a mall and my lack of self-control means I end up buying things I shouldn’t all the time. I’m buy a shirt, go home, and 2 days later decide I didn’t really need to spend that money.

  13. Sometimes I read this blog and wonder how you’re still married. Between “muffin top”, this, and probably a dozen other posts….

  14. Men and women lose as much hair, except men are shorter so it doesn’t show as much. Don’t forget there are also things men do that seem awkward to women, like wearing the same socks two days in a row or having almost every guy fascination towards electronics or games.

  15. What about the quirky things guys do? I know from kvetching with several girl friends that I’m not the only one who’s husband/significant other has serious issues with basic clutter prevention. He will open cupboards while he’s working in the kitchen and then leave them open. (How he doesn’t smack his head on them while he’s moving around I will never know.) He throws his laundry on the floor an inch away from the basket. (Or, better yet, does a house-long strip-down when he gets home from work so that I find his jacket in one room, his wallet in the next, his shoes in the hallway, etc. etc.)

    It’s not intentionally messy; he’s just not wired to do the “pick up as you go along” thing that I am. I’ve known numerous guys who do the same thing, so my question to you, Ninja, is, “What’s up with *that*?” 😛

    • I definitely can allow clutter to overcome me. Girl Ninja keeps me in check. I leave bowls in the sink too and that really irks her.

  16. Ahhhh! Returns! I used to do this a lot. I would go shopping when I felt down, buy a whole lot of stuff without trying it on because the line is too long/the lighting sucks/I don’t have the time/I’d rather try it on at home with my other clothing options, try it on at home and then return most of it because I didn’t like it enough or I decided I needed the money more. In a way it was cathartic, bingeing and purging. I don’t see why you have to go with her though. You don’t enjoy it, so why drag you along?

    As for chocolate… um… it’s good. It has chemicals that makes us happy. GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE AND EVERYONE LIVES.

  17. I’ve never understood people/women who do those things either….really? All those returns sound like a pain in the but for all people involved. Not just the purchaser but the people who have to put everything away….. and Jordan actually complains that I don’t spend enough money on clothes! Perhaps I’m the one who’s a bit out of the ordinary.

  18. 7 years and my husband can never find anything in the fridge…ever. He does not have it in his bag of tricks to move anything from the ‘front line’ to see what is behind it. And, mind you, we have a pretty bare bones, organized fridge. It always gets a giggle out of me.
    Also, he is OCD about locking his car. I can tell he is home before he opens the door because I hear the beep of the car lock, then he locks it again when he sets his keys down a minute later. Then, without fail, I hear him lock it again before he comes to bed.

    • “Also, he is OCD about locking his car…”

      ROFL… I do that too, but I don’t like to beep it more than once. What I do is beep it, put my keys in my pocket, and then go to each door and check that they are locked. I think that is why I chose a coupe for my current car.

  19. My wife used to do the return thing. She’d go to the store find something she liked that was “her size” buy it and bring it home. She would only try it on after she got it home. Half the time it didn’t quite fit right so she’d take it back. I kept telling her she should try the stuff on in the store and save herself the hassle. She started to listen to me after several years of repeating that suggestion. What really cured her of it was when she got a job in retail. Apparently returns are a bit of a pain in the butt for stores… Who would have guessed? 🙂

  20. You know the more I read about your wife, the more I want to be her friend. 😉 I do the returns thing all the time, and my man is similarly confused by it. Sometimes we just get caught up in the moment while we’re out, and we just can’t make a decision so we need a fresh look later! hahaha. Plus, Target especially makes it so easy to return things… you don’t even need any receipt if you used a card! 😛

    One thing I’ve found amusing about men (from living with mine and it being reinforced by others) is the sheer amount of you who if left to your own devices, will eat every meal standing up at your kitchen counter, most likely eating right out of the package/pot. I thought it may be just my man, but several others have agreed with the practice. You all are like animals! hehe

  21. I think it takes me 2x to buy clothes — one, i try them in store, then i come home and try them on again. If they work in both spots, I keep them, if they don’t, it goes back. Store lighting/mirrors/situation, influences the buying decision.

  22. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kevin, Tiny_TCrss4home. Tiny_TCrss4home said: Reading: Seriously Girl Ninja?: Every now and again I like to rant about some of the funny things Girl Ninja do… […]

  23. It is the things that women do that make us love them the most. Their excuses are horrible and pouty lips adorable. My wife has an excuse for a new outfit every time she shops.

  24. So I am just as befuddled as you are regarding the “Returns.” My laziness prevents me from even thinking about returning to the store. What I usually do is try something on and come back a week later to see if I like it. If I’m under pressure (i.e I need the outfit in less than a week) I then go to every store that I can possibly go to before settling on a dress. But I only do this because the thought of me having to decide between a nap and a return might mean me losing money.

    The new outfit thing, yeah, I’m with that. I have wayyyy too many dresses in my wardrobe for that very reason. So when tights went into style, I now could wear these dresses year round!

    And chocolate. Oh the things I would do for chocolate… This is a family blog, so I’ll just leave it at that.

  25. Why are many men unable to sort laundry by anything beyond color? Take for example my boyfriend “helping” me with my laundry last week:

    [DBF grabs an armful of clothes from the washer and puts them all in the dryer]
    Me: Honey, some of those clothes can’t be dried in the dryer.
    DBF: What?
    Me: If there’s beading or detailing the dryer will ruin it.
    DBF: Oh.
    [I pluck out the clothes from the dryer that shouldn’t be in there. DBF proceeds to pick up underwear and socks one-by-one and put them in the dryer. He finally grabs another clump of clothes and puts them in the dryer].
    Me: That top can’t go in the dryer.
    DBF: Why?
    Me: ARGH. I can see why my mom threatens to kill my dad every time he tries to touch her laundry…

    I hate clothes shopping with a fiery passion, so I can’t give you any insight there.

    • Yeah, my boyfriend memorized the clothes that aren’t supposed to go in the dryer, but he has no idea why they can’t go in there 🙂

    • I’ve learned what can be dried together by trial and error. For example, never put socks, underwear, and towels together or it will take forever! I don’t know what I will do when I get a wife…

  26. I LOATHE clothes shopping with every fibre of my being, so I don’t get the whole “gotta have a new outfit” thing… and when I force myself to buy an article of clothing, I’m not leaving the store without trying it on, and if I don’t love it, I ain’t buying it! As far as chocolate goes, I TOTALLY get where Girl Ninja’s coming from; I have a mild allergy to chocolate, but it doesn’t stop me from eating it….I stop when hives in the crooks of my elbows develop, or when my eyes start to get super-itchy.

    Hubby will leave empty wrappers on the counter rather than throw them in the garbage, and will ball up his socks BEFORE they go in the hamper, only to have to unball them before they go in the wash… what’s up with that?? He also does the house-long strip-down (LOL Codelia!!!) and can NEVER find his keys or his wallet! I get asked at least once a day “have you seen my (fill in the blank)”.

    • “can NEVER find his keys or his wallet!”

      My solution: I take off my pants and keep everthing in them until the next day. That way you have everything in case you have to leave the house in the middle of the night.

  27. I hate returning things, so hubby does that for me if we ever have to…he earns major brownie points…and then turns around and spends them because he thinks that “sensuous” means “sensuous up, can I have a drink, sandwich, or whatever else may be in the kitchen?” Grrr…

  28. I hate returning stuff but I do it sometimes. It just doesn’t feel good, as you’re coming home and mulling over it.

    Mmmmmmmm chocolate.

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